I went to a Sunday yoga class with the boys yesterday. With two bagels in my belly and some annoyance under my belt, I wasn’t exactly in the best head space for a flow class.
Nonetheless, I showed up. 10 points for me!
Despite my ho-hum attitude (due partly to a terrible night sleep, partly to the fact that everyone woke up and maintained a grumpy disposition), I had a wonderful class full of challenges, with a teacher for whom I have a particular fondness. Amidst the side planks, the flipped downward dog and the jumping into crow (which I still can’t even comprehend) she said something that has stuck with me and bounced around in my head ever since:
“Stop wishing it were different” she said.
Immediately, my eyes welled up in tears.
It’s simple, isn’t it? But so effing hard for me to do.
I have this compulsion to constantly want things to be better, different, moving forward or going back. This can be a good thing, I’m sure, but when not directed properly it can easily become an obsession with inadequacy. Rarely am I content with the Right Now. How many conversations do I start with “I can’t wait for…” or “I wish I was…”. It seems so self-defeating, yet it’s a struggle for me to stop my brain. To just be in the moments- the good ones and the bad ones.
Stop wishing. Stop wishing to be in Costa Rica, stop wishing for the house to be cleaner, for the kids to be better/quieter/older/away. Stop wishing that I hadn’t eaten that second bagel, or had gone swimming.
Finding the balance between pushing yourself too far beyond your limitations and being too cautious is really difficult. When is it not enough? When is it too much?
We all have our own answers, I guess I just need to live a little more to find out where my own balance lies. And in the meantime I need to stop wishing and practice being content with what I have and who I am, today.
On that note, here are some of the weekend highlights!
- Sifting through this list and drafting up my own list of To See Documentaries
- Watching this chilling account of a climb gone terribly wrong
- Baking some bagels- more on that later on this week
- Pulling out my shorts for some shorts/tights action (cue eye rolls)
- Getting to bed at 8pm
- Taking this book out at the ridiculously packed library
- Making some Easter crafts with the kiddos
- Spending the time at the In Laws’ house, building blanket forts and essentially not cooking/cleaning. I like.
I leave you with this:
Stop wanting to change things, even if it’s just for the next 15 minutes. I’m pretty sure that’s the longest I can hold out for!
Have a great week, I have loads of stuff planned for you!