Weekend Recap: Where I ate everything

This is a big month for us. we kick off birthday season, we pay our licenses, we work hard to maybe have a date weekend and splurge on a dinner/movie night?  I’ve been flooded with the “it’s all so hard” conversation recently (knowing that, relatively, we have it pretty damn easy), yet life at this junction seems difficult. Less difficult than when I was at the shop, but still. I love that I’m home for the kids, and that we can more easily negotiate ped days and homework, yet I sometimes feel resentful of the domestic charge that comes along with being at home.

I recently had one of these catch-up conversations with an ex colleague at the awkward yoga changing room. She had gone on in the design field, skipped kids for the time being, and amassed some international success. Great, I though,  here I am exposing my mid section to someone who frequently flies to London and wears clothing that costs more than my car. And for the first time in a loooooooong time, I felt the venom of judgment.  “Wow, that must be so hard” she said nonchalantly, “it’s amazing that you have time for yoga, I’ll definitely need a crew of nannies” she laughed.  I wanted to scratch her face off.

Now, I’m not against nannies, or working full time, or not working at all- having lived through all of those scenarios, you have to try on different hats before you chose the one that fits. What I resent is the fact that, at one point this conversation, my choices were revealed to have betrayed my assumed desire for success and power.  Was she judging me, or was I judging myself?

I mulled over that conversation all weekend, and in the first moments sans kids, I attacked the internet to try and find answers. Can a feminist really be at home, can women have it all, when does personal fulfillment take precedence over family needs? What does feminism mean today?

I’m still answer-less.

Weekend Highlights:

Reading this and this, this and revisiting this . Thinking more about our choices as a family and my perception of our roles.

Watching this movie.  Feeling like I’ve lived in a cave for not having seen it earlier. Honestly, where have I been for the last 6 years? To those of you who have seen it… Hoax or no hoax?

Eating, eating and more eating. Dude, I need a cleansing peppermint tea diet.

Attracting Medical  Clinics on Holidays

Cursing Videotron, Fido and the likes… isn’t the Internet free?

Hating the “clean under the bed” part of the kids’ room.

Roasting lamb. on the spit….meh.

Stocking up the fridge with food- muffins, ratatouille, pulled pork, roasted Brussel sprouts (YUM)- none of which should be consumed by me (re: peppermint tea diet)

Having a case of the social media anxiety

Clinching ingredient in successful muffins? Sugar, go figure…

Feeling sheepish about my very open conversations regarding job opportunities, none of which are seeming to pan out as expected.

Confirming that job hunting is very much like dating, except without the booze and the gratuitous making out.

 

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6 thoughts on “Weekend Recap: Where I ate everything

  1. I have been reading the same articles along with this one and thinking wondering about some of the same things for the past few weeks. I would also recommend Caitlan Moran’s, How To Be a Woman.
    My mother was born in the early 30’s and went completely against the grain, with a demanding successful career, two children, and widowhood before she was 40. To outsiders, she was the role model for having it all and then overcoming tragedy. As her daughter, I knew she didn’t.
    I haven’t had children. That has brought about another form of social judging that I have become used to, which doesn’t mean I find it it any less rude or offensive. I was on a fast-track in my career and stepped off to take care of my mother when she had a heart attack and then a stroke. I do wonder ” what if” occasionally, but never far enough to regret the decision.

    I don’t think it is possible to have it all. There are always going to be choices. And the hell of it is sometimes you are making a huge lifetime choice without even knowing you are doing it. It is how we deal with our choices, make new new ones, and keep trying to make it better for those who will come after us that matter to me now.

    1. oh I LOVED that Jezebel piece! I almost forced my husband to read it. And dude, I can just imagine how many awkward conversations you’ve had where nosy people ask ill placed questions. I feel we need to develop a new lexicon that deals with reproductive issues. It’s so taboo that as women, we barely engage in these conversations, yet NEED to talk about them to dispel the stigmas.
      Honestly, a penis would have been much simpler.

  2. Ha! I love your honest reaction to that conversation in the yoga changing room.
    It is impossible to have it all, I think personally. And trying to have it all is a sure way to lead you to feel like a failure either in relation to family or career. I tend to think that jobs come an go, especially these days – there is little job security. But family is something you build and can last a lifetime. I love what Tina Fey said when she was pondering having another child : “What’s so great about work anyway? Work won’t visit you when you’re old. Work won’t drive you to get a mammogram and take you out after for soup.”

  3. I have a blog crush on you. Or maybe a woman-friend crush on your actual person and not just blog. All very platonic seeing as I’m very satisfied with my husband, but seriously.

    I’m not yet a mom and these are questions I think about frequently. I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay home with my kids when they come – as much as will let me keep my sanity. I wonder, sometimes, if people will hiss at me and spit for that choice because ‘feminism has fought for more.’ I thought the whole point of feminism was about having the choice to work – or not? I’m probably still too young and idyllic but my dream for modern feminism is more like actual equality – where we have equal value for men and women alike and the family is doing whatever they need to to make things work and *stay together*. We give, take, and no one keeps score.

    1. Well now I’m blushing! AND we have the same theme on our blogs!! Twinsies! (p.s. where can I follow your blog? I’m lost in this new backend!)
      You know, when I had my first, I thought I would stay at home forever! I went totally hippy granola- like making my own laundry detergent granola, convinced that I could change the system and create a world where a family doesn’t need a second income. By the time number 2 came around, I was ready to take anything that let me get OUT of the house. And then with number three, I was OUT all right. And how.
      And now? I know I need to do something out of the house, something that fulfills me on an individual level.
      But sometimes I feel that I’m being selfish and I ask myself why I can’t be as fulfilled at home… and then I wonder if it’s just me constantly chasing after a rainbow that doesn’t exist…
      Anyhow, all that to say that I’m really happy to see that these conversations are happening among women, and maybe that can help us to judge ourselves less harshly?
      xo
      e

  4. That Atlantic article is one of the best things I have read so far about women working/doing it all – but it doesn’t just relate to the struggles women have, but men, too, when it comes to the family. Also, Astaa is right about “How to be a Woman” I loved everything about that book, save for her stance on Lady Gaga.

    I think women have to stop judging each other, as well as stop worrying about that judgment. The amount of times I would stay up ALL NIGHT to get work done and then worry that if I had to take E to a doctor’s appointment they would think I wasn’t committed/doing my job.

    Anyway, way more to say, no more time to say it. (Baby just woke up).

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