This is a big month for us. we kick off birthday season, we pay our licenses, we work hard to maybe have a date weekend and splurge on a dinner/movie night? I’ve been flooded with the “it’s all so hard” conversation recently (knowing that, relatively, we have it pretty damn easy), yet life at this junction seems difficult. Less difficult than when I was at the shop, but still. I love that I’m home for the kids, and that we can more easily negotiate ped days and homework, yet I sometimes feel resentful of the domestic charge that comes along with being at home.
I recently had one of these catch-up conversations with an ex colleague at the awkward yoga changing room. She had gone on in the design field, skipped kids for the time being, and amassed some international success. Great, I though, here I am exposing my mid section to someone who frequently flies to London and wears clothing that costs more than my car. And for the first time in a loooooooong time, I felt the venom of judgment. “Wow, that must be so hard” she said nonchalantly, “it’s amazing that you have time for yoga, I’ll definitely need a crew of nannies” she laughed. I wanted to scratch her face off.
Now, I’m not against nannies, or working full time, or not working at all- having lived through all of those scenarios, you have to try on different hats before you chose the one that fits. What I resent is the fact that, at one point this conversation, my choices were revealed to have betrayed my assumed desire for success and power. Was she judging me, or was I judging myself?
I mulled over that conversation all weekend, and in the first moments sans kids, I attacked the internet to try and find answers. Can a feminist really be at home, can women have it all, when does personal fulfillment take precedence over family needs? What does feminism mean today?
I’m still answer-less.
Watching this movie. Feeling like I’ve lived in a cave for not having seen it earlier. Honestly, where have I been for the last 6 years? To those of you who have seen it… Hoax or no hoax?
Eating, eating and more eating. Dude, I need a cleansing peppermint tea diet.
Attracting Medical Clinics on Holidays
Cursing Videotron, Fido and the likes… isn’t the Internet free?
Hating the “clean under the bed” part of the kids’ room.
Roasting lamb. on the spit….meh.
Stocking up the fridge with food- muffins, ratatouille, pulled pork, roasted Brussel sprouts (YUM)- none of which should be consumed by me (re: peppermint tea diet)
Having a case of the social media anxiety
Clinching ingredient in successful muffins? Sugar, go figure…
Feeling sheepish about my very open conversations regarding job opportunities, none of which are seeming to pan out as expected.
Confirming that job hunting is very much like dating, except without the booze and the gratuitous making out.