Yup, it’s been quiet over here. And on FB, Twitter and texting alike. Not so quiet in my head though. I’ve been running at 130 thoughts/seconds. Not my best state, by any stretch of the imagination.
On the 28th, the shop will have been closed for exactly six months. Six months ago we started a week that would see the shop empty and then filled with booze bottles, friends and guffaws of laughter. We sold every last bit that week and what remained came home in boxes. They sit in the basement, the dusty physical evidence of a 5 year journey.
I recently had two big job opportunities fall through. Fortune, on the work front, has always been my friend and I’ve rarely ever had to hustle to get a job. But the fact that fortune has not been so kind to me these days? Well I would be lying if I told you that I don’t cry about it, because I do. And recently, it’s been a bi-weekly occurrence. Could it be that I’m not getting enough sleep? Maybe. Two episodes of Breaking Bad a night will do that to a person. Could it be that I’m in transition and aimlessly searching for something that gives me a true sense of validation? Or could it be that I’m simply terrified that I’ll never find a good job, or die of debt load trying to?
All of the above.
I felt at my best in the shop (don’t get me wrong though, I don’t AT ALL miss the business- only a fool would miss running a small unprofitable business!), and while it sounds picky and privileged, I don’t want to take time away from my family obligations to do something that doesn’t make me feel at my best.
One day at a time. Thwart off the anxiety by doing things that make me feel good. Not spending too much time alone. Reading the Happiness Project again (thanks to Annabelle that has accepted that I’m keeping it almost forever). Doing the things that need to get done. Take a FB break. Turn the news off.
These are the things I CAN do, the rest I can’t really control. Hmmm… we’ll I’ll be darned. There’s that C word again.
Have a good week