As I write this, I can see Rosie chasing a chicken. The $500 we invested in the invisible fence? Clearly not working.
Yesterday, as I was catching the barn cats for their sterilization (another $300), I was attacked and now my hand is infected.
Never mind the 6 hours of driving back and forth to the sterilization clinic. Or the 4 hours spent at the clinic for my tetanus booster and antibiotics. My hand is swollen to double it’s normal size and we still have one cat left to fix. With my luck, she’s probably already pregnant.
Septic tanks needing to be emptied, but neither the city nor the septic company seemingly offer that service… phone call after phone call and problems are still unsolved. Medicare cards expired and no renewal forms to be found… I feel like I’m in a dead end corn maze of bureaucracy.
I cried in the bathtub for about an hour last night, so frustrated by the time and effort spent and no real outcome to counterbalance.
My list of unfinished or half completed tasks seems to double every day. And nothing gets done. My recent days seem to be spent floating from tending to one unresolvable issue to the next, unable to give or receive the right answers.
Piles of laundry and a sinkfull of dishes accent the already disheveled house. While no amount of meditation, exercise or copious bread eating seems to recharge my brain to its pre-vacation state. I guess it’s a normal reaction when you come back from a trip. Transitions have never been my strong point, but as I get older, I feel like my brain has a harder time acclimating to these changes. To be honest, it feels slightly broken.
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? To run after ungrateful dogs, to catch chickens who have broken out of their pen? To turn around and drive back to get the forgotten lunch box? To mediate the tantrums between siblings? AND stay lifegiving AND restrain from screaming?
I’m going to have to declare that task impossible Today, thank you very much.
September is right around the corner, a new school year starts, the garden will need to be closed down, and new plans for the spring will need to be layed out.
Summer is essentially over. Jingle Bells everyone.
So there, that’s my sad and un-life-balanced post. To remind you (and myself) that it’s not all Roses and Rainbows on Garbarino Acres. Bad days are part of the cycle. Without them, we can’t appreciate the good ones? I’ll keep telling myself that, buttered toast in hand, phone buried in the depths of the couch cushions.
Sometimes your life on paper doesn’t match with what goes on in your mind.
So thank you for letting me write this, and get it off my chest, I already feel lighter, as my fingers graze the Publish button.