Meet with Curiosity, not Judgement: 4 days without Wi-fi and a new car

WE HAVE A NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW CAR.

It’s amazingly shiny, comfortable and noticeably un-broken.  All qualities I look for in a purchase that has more zeros in it than I feel comfortable. Note: maximum number of zeros is 2.

The Ford Escape is now officially added to the collection of things that are shiny in my life: my new dishwasher, the dishes that come out of said dishwasher and my new round un-scandinavian mirror.

According to my life, when one thing gets fixed, three more break! Not you?

Indeed, the day after we drove our shiny piece of metal home, the Bell connection gave out and along with it went the home phone and the internet and the dream of a quiet Friday night.

While I’m surviving with Instagram being deleted during the day and re-installed at night, I’m not exactly cured.  I’ll spare you the “it was amazing to not be connected” bit, because come on now… I had my phone and IG kept me consoled and spooned me through the lonely times. The shockingly unpredictable experience is NOT the peace NOT the quiet.  Rather the difference in sound and (for the lack of a better word) vibe of the house with and without the Wi-Fi**.

Without wi-fi: completely silent and empty

With wi-fi: like a dog whistle activated, high ear stimulation, pronounced edginess of voice and quick to yelling features heightened.

I know myself as someone of sound-ish mind and character. I’ve doubted my mental health in the past, but often come back to believing that  I am someone with a fair level of common sense.  Sure, I have had entire moments of black out, maybe even all of 1999.  And yes,  I have borrowed my sister’s clothes without asking, and returned them without washing, ever denying the initial theft of said white shirt…

BUT minus all of that, and forgetting the 69 lost bank cards, I’m not a total woowoo*.

I’m pretty solid.

Ish.

I know a woman who dismantled the Wi-Fi in her house. Believing that not only could she feel the vibrations but they caused her to be ill ease and just off, all the time. Needless to say, at the time, I met this with neither curiosity nor judgement, just plain skepticism.  Mindfulness was NOT a thing in 2013, was it.  But how can you argue with someone who so genuinely feels and seems better after making this change? Guys, she glowed after. I certainly don’t glow, and I’m not sure you glow either. But she did.  So I ask you to replace your own judgement with curiosity: was it really the Wi-Fi? Or was it the psycho-somatic knowledge that she rid herself of her imaginary burden?  I don’t really want the answer, but I do feel like calling her right now on my cell phone and screaming ME TOO!! I CAN FEEL IT TOO!

Feeling and physically hearing the pitch of the whatever gives you immediate and continous  Emmy’s Best Dressed List (clearly it was Ellie Kemper) and my beloved Yoga with Adriene, is an eery experience.  One that can only induce the nervous energy you get at the butcher when you order a couple of inch thick veal chops and they ring you up at the cash for 80$.

But what’s to do? Dismantle the whole thing and go back to dial up? Turn off my modem at night? Burn the Internet? Obviously all of those things are quasi impossible.

So I continue to laugh nervously and forge ahead with my comparative counter depth fridge shopping and my Anthropologie cart.  I  pursue my relentless search for hard, yet tasteless muffin recipes and I reluctantly type “Crock Pot Zip Lock Meal”, cringing at the Pinterest results that will of course populate the first half of the first google page.

So maybe the Wi-Fi is making me crazy, giving me migraines, insomnia and heart palpitations…heck, it may also be responsible for these new 5 pounds. But the fact that I can listen to Dear Sugar through the car with my new Bluetooth? Totally worth the brain damage.

And this brings me to a few other points of interest:

The sumac trees are ridiculously red right now.

I’ve been sniffing lavender essential oil before going to bed at night, I love it.

I just finished reading Blood, Bones and Butter and while I can most definitely rule out opening a restaurant as something I’d like to do one day, I’m not ruling out writing a memoir of my eccentric family and childhood. You know, if I ever get bored.

And because McSweeney’s was a big hit (holy crap is that Eagle bit hysterical).. I’m linking to another side splitting specimen..

I inherited a juicer recently and like Mike Meyer’s Mom… I juice everything now… (specifically carrots, golden beets, apples and clementines)

I’ve written a million blog posts in my head since last week and now can’t come up with one original sentence.

Wi-Fi :1  Emeline : 0

* woo woo {Belief in talking to the dead, belief in telikenesis, in fact any belief not founded on good evidence, the poorer the evidence the more Woo Woo the belief. } Urban Dictionary,  2003.

** why the hell do we need to capitalize Wi-Fi ANYWAYS.

house front

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