For so long, I have ruminated on what I would write when I finally sat down here with you. Every day almost, a thousand words would fill my brain, but they escaped my fingers as my hands were always tied to the kids, the phone, the dog, the wounded duck and the paintbrushes. All choices.
But Dear Summer,
I am not sad to see you go!!!!
You were beautiful and sunny, but that humidity…. oh my. My thigh chaff will never recover.
You showed me magical things and yet you were kinda mean.
Your heat and lack of water almost decimated my garden, but that’s ok. I guess part of the natural cycle is knowing that there are things you can’t control. You also killed my ducks. But that story is for another day…
There are things that happen that you can’t take on as your own failures or successes.
July had the Devil May Care attitude of campfires and roadtrips, new ducks and Canada Day. Good friends in chunky sweaters. Pottery happened and I got to scratch it off my bucket list, but of course, it wasn’t good enough, the pieces weren’t perfect enough for my own towering expectations, but that’s ok, someone just asked me if I bought them at Anthropology. So I guess, I win in the end.
August cast a gloomy spell here, as siding came down and time slipped away. The Olympics captured my eyes and gave me a shrine to visit every night, beer and chips à volonté Oh August, how you made me second guess my ability to handle the land, the house, the kids, the work, all of it. You pushed back hard when I tried to wash all the stress off, you waited in the corner until the moment was right and you rained down. And I’m still a little wet.
I spent a lot of time in my cage of expectations, looking at it, recognizing it, trying to break some off some of the bars. I switched meditations, I painted more, I drank beer and ate chips alone at the campfire.
But that’s ok.
September is here, and with it the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and new shoe boxes. My head is swimming with task lists, budgets, salsa recipes and batch cooking dreams. Along, of course, comes all the work projects that didn’t get finished during the peak of July’s fun haze.The promise of roasting tomatoes and freezing corn. Maybe even wearing a blazer? I get to switch my wardrobe out and say farewell to the long gauzy skirts, and hello to pants, crewneck sweaters, sunflowers, and apples.
If you’ll indulge me just a little longer, I did have one great breakthrough this summer…
I started thinking that maybe we have cycles of productivity, just like hormonal cycles or moon cycles, we’re all spending a ridiculous amount of energy trying to stay on top of everything at the same time. I felt like I was always trying to push hard, all the time. And when I needed rest, I chastised myself for not being strong enough to take it all on.
I couldn’t figure out why some days I felt like I was floating on clouds, while some days I felt like I was drowning in quicksand.
None of my circumstances were changing all that much (ok, finding dead ducks in the morning is kinda extra-ordinary, but still!) while the effort to get through my days varied insanely.
I had listened to Ezzie Spencer (lawyer & ph D in social work btw) on an entrepreneurship podcast discuss her theories on Lunar Cycles and before I knew it, I had drank ALL THE KOOL AID, and asked for more.
DON’T SMASH YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN, I may sound like an insane person, I know. Shhh.. it’s ok.
I think we’re all looking for something, you might juice or do pilates… I am into the moon. Judge away, but suspect your cynicism at least for the 1000 words here.
To continue, I decided to plan my monthly intentions: maybe I would feel a little more focused if I concentrated on one aspect of my insane life instead of doing it all? Anything would be better than just pushing all the time and finding yourself on the floor, crying, amiright?
July was for Creativity: I launched my online store, I pursued a daily sketching practice and committed to sharing my work, obtaining a solo show at the local library (in January!) and selling 5 pieces in 10 days of opening. I took a whole bunch of classes on Creativebug too. I was careful to respect the yin and yang phases and was really pleased with how easy the month went.
August was for Harmony: ok, disclaimer, this one was really tough and I lost track by mid month, the gloom of the reno got the better of me. But it was my goal to tie up loose ends in the house, (we did a lot!) increase harmony among us (that was actually really good for us) and focus on love & kindness meditations.
September is for Care: Focusing on care in the house (finishing up projects, organizing our budget, setting ourselves up for winter), care in our food (processing fresh produce, batch cooking for the week), care in my own health (blood work, check up etc), care in my relationships (making sure I reach out and stay in touch) and essentially seeing what are the small steps I can take to ensure that I’m taking care of what’s important.
There’s a new moon tomorrow morning, AND an eclipse AND mercury in retrograde… so if you’re leaning towards the Mysticore side of things, it would be the perfect time for you to set your monthly intention too. And I think we both know who our Mysticore leader is…